Langenbergs Laws

Langenberg's 1st Law:
The quality of the service is proportional to the frequency of the payment or commitment. (Thanks BF)

Langenberg's 2nd Law:
Look for the hook and you won't get took.

Langenberg's 3rd Law:
If it's good it's changing. (Thanks JB)

Langenberg's 4th Law:
What you don't do is more important than what you do do. (Thanks JP)

Langenberg's 5th Law:
If you want quality in the top 5% you have to filter through 20, and say no to the bottom 19.

Langenberg's 6th Law:
Every disaster is the direct result of someone taking a shortcut, being reckless, caving into pressure, a payback, or greed.

Langenberg's 7th Law:
You can only have one top priority.

Langenberg's 8th Law:
Your top priority is what you preach. Givens, demands, expectations, policies and wishes are all secondary. (Thanks PP)

Langenberg's 9th Law:
If you choose form over substance, you will have your wish.

Langenberg's 10th Law:
If you choose convenience over stability, you will conveniently end up with instability.

Langenberg's 11th Law:
If you choose water-repellant over water-proof you'll get wet. (Thanks RB)

Langenberg's 12th Law:
There shall be no 13th law.

Langenberg's 14th Law:
You get what you earn.

Langenberg's 15th Law:
You get what you deserve.

Langenberg's 16th Law:
Don't create the problem just to use the solution. (Thanks CB)

Langenberg's 17th Law:
Just because you can doesn't mean you should. (Thanks CG)

Langenberg's 18th Law:
Just because you don't have to doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Langenberg's 19th Law:
If everybody thinks it's a good idea, it's average.

Langenberg's 20th Law:
If everybody thinks it's a bad idea, you're onto something.

Langenberg's 21st Law:
Trying to please everybody all of the time, is a formula for failure. (Thanks HBS)

Langenberg's 22nd Law:
No amount of retroactive statistical analysis can alter the fact that; it cost what it cost, you sold what you sold, and you got as many hits as you got. (Thanks RMJ)

Langenberg's 23rd Law:
A bureaucrat's job is never done. (Thanks RMJ)

Langenberg's 24th Law:
Better to deal with a dirt-bag who can deliver than a sweetheart who can't. (Thanks Qwest & NetSol)

Langenberg's 25th Law:
Better to deal with a salesman who doesn't know anything, than from one who claims to know everything.

Langenberg's 26th Law:
Better to deal with a salesman who says no, than from one who says yes every time you want to hear it.

Langenberg's 27th Law:
You don't know what you don't know -- if you don't know what you don't know. (Thanks BSC)

Langenberg's 28th Law:
If you know that you don't know what you don't know -- you're an asset.

Langenberg's 29th Law:
If you don't know that you don't know what you don't know (or you don't care) -- you're a liability, and the degree of damage you'll cause is exponential to your level of power.

Langenberg's 30th Law:
If you claim to know, or exaggerate what you know, or allow others to presume you know what you don't know -- you're a liar, and everybody knows it.

Langenberg's 31st Law:
When you tune out what you don't want to know -- you won't get what you don't deserve.

Langenberg's 32nd Law:
If you don't know by now -- maybe you don't need to know.

Langenberg's 33rd Law:
If you can't figure it out by yourself -- maybe you shouldn't ought to know.

Langenberg's 34th Law:
If the service is bad before you pay, it won't improve afterwards. (Thanks BF)

Langenberg's 35th Law:
There has to be a little bit of truth to it in order for it to get a rise.

Langenberg's 36th Law:
Capitalism isn't always pretty.

Langenberg's 37th Law:
Capitalism plus choice begets food chain. (Thanks KL)

Langenberg's 38th Law:
If the maitre d' is a Doberman find another restaurant. (Thanks HV)

Langenberg's 39th Law:
You can give it to them, but you can't take it away.

Langenberg's 40th Law:
If you so much as hint that it's possible, you just gave it to them.

Langenberg's 41st Law:
Your greatest weakness is your greatest strength. (Thanks AR)

Langenberg's 42nd Law:
Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness.

Langenberg's 43rd Law:
You never pay less when you say who referred you. (Thanks CJ)

Langenberg's 44th Law:
You commonly pay more (or get less) when somebody else says they referred you.

Langenberg's 45th Law:
When you receive checks, you're a salesman.

Langenberg's 46th Law:
When you send checks (or push funds), you're a customer.

Langenberg's 47th Law:
When you don't send or receive checks, you're beer. And so is the other party whom checks aren't sent to or received from.

Langenberg's 48th Law:
When you cave into a demand to pull funds from you, you're a resource.

Langenberg's 49th Law:
The Post Office doesn't lose checks.

Langenberg's 50th Law:
A hot prospect won't balk at your prices being too low. (Thanks DD)

Langenberg's 51st Law:
Continue sharpening your pencil until non-prospects balk at your prices.

Langenberg's 52nd Law:
If you make enough outrageous predictions, sooner or later one of them is bound to come true.

Langenberg's 53rd Law:
Competent leadership will make the worst gizmo work, while incompetence makes the best gizmo fail. (Thanks EC)

Langenberg's 54th Law:
Anybody can get it working, but a professional will keep it working.

Langenberg's 55th Law:
No matter how good Plan A is, it's downtime waiting to happen unless it's backed up by Plan B.

Langenberg's 56th Law:
When Plan A must be swapped out with Plan B, quickly get another backup.

Langenberg's 57th Law:
Get Plan B working, with Plan C on deck, before putting Plan A out to pasture.

Langenberg's 58th Law:
Just because you have a Plan B, doesn't mean you shouldn't have a Plan C too.

Langenberg's 59th Law:
An occasional ride on your redundant horse will continually validate its availability.

Langenberg's 60th Law:
When you loan out your redundant horse to pull neighbor's plow, it's really been their redundancy all along too. And when you need it, you'll either have to quickly buy another one, or be an insensitive bully and take it back.

Langenberg's 61st Law:
Those who railroad through the sale of wine before its time are the first to point out another's name on the label.

Langenberg's 62nd Law:
Never get in George's way.

Langenberg's 63rd Law:
Always gamble with a stacked deck.

Langenberg's 64th Law:
One person's curse is another's diverted acres.

Langenberg's 65th Law:
Price, quality, service; pick any two. (Thanks CM)

Langenberg's 66th Law:
Make hay while the sun shines. (Thanks HL)

Langenberg's 67th Law:
You can't have cats and puzzles too.

Langenberg's 68th Law:
Mechanical clocks fail at a quarter of.

Langenberg's 69th Law:
An annoyed waiter may spit in your food.

Langenberg's 70th Law:
If the person with you annoys the waiter, you may receive frozen lobster.

Langenberg's 71sh Law:
Never order oysters at a steak house.

Langenberg's 72nd Law:
If you order extra ice, you'll occasionally receive none.

Langenberg's 73rd Law:
Always tip green, never coin. (Thanks DL)

Langenberg's 74th Law:
When you adopt somebody else's program, you make money for them. (Thanks LS)

Langenberg's 75th Law:
When you put somebody else's sign on your pole, you make money for them. (Thanks LS)

Langenberg's 76th Law:
Never buy anything from a dollar store that goes in your mouth or on your skin.

Langenberg's 77th Law:
Never buy reduced price food, nor accept it for free.

Langenberg's 78th Law:
Investigate a vendor with increased interest if their competitor trash talks them. (Thanks KF)

Langenberg's 79th Law:
Might is right.

Langenberg's 80th Law:
To err is human, and some people are more human than others.

Langenberg's 81st Law:
Quality is an attitude, not a statistic. (Thanks HH)

Langenberg's 82nd Law:
Bigger haystacks and more of them result in more needles. (Thanks MS)

Langenberg's 83rd Law:
Simplicity is the solution to security. (Thanks FF)

Langenberg's 84th Law:
Let the sleeping dog lie. (Thanks BB)

Langenberg's 85th Law:
The tone of your typing relates to the butter on your bread. (Thanks WW)

Langenberg's 86th Law:
You can put lipstick on a pig and call her Monique, but she's still a sow. (Thanks GR)

Langenberg's 87th Law:
Pay me now, or pay me later. (Thanks FO)

Langenberg's 88th Law:
A friend is somebody who walks in, when everybody else walks out. (Thanks FL)

Langenberg's 89th Law:
When you leave this earth, you'll be able to count your friends on one hand. (Thanks JL)

Langenberg's 90th Law:
The person you dump on today may be your competitor tomorrow, and any grief you cause them will provide inspiration.

Langenberg's 91st Law:
Use your brain for thinking, not as a storehouse. (Thanks FM)

Langenberg's 1000th Law:
Ignorance of my laws is no excuse.

When available, proper attribution is listed in red.

Your feedback, suggestions and input would be appreciated.